Post by Rune Ravencroft on Nov 3, 2014 23:30:17 GMT
Rune snapped out of the daze he'd been in for the last while and actually looked around. He looked up at the relatively full moon and tried to get his bearings. He'd been up on this rooftop for a while. He'd simply just, wandered around the campus and decided to climb up. No reason or thought, he just did. He wasn't even sure what building this was. Anyone asking how he got here he'd be able to truthfully say he didn't know beyond that he did it under his own power. He'd spent the last few days truly feeling nothing but rage and hate. No desire to talk to anyone, or listen to them or anything. He did the bare minimum he had to and locked himself in his room otherwise. The only two things he had wanted was some word on what happened to his sister, where she was, anything, or his uncles head on a pike. Neither of which had happened.
But today he finally got to a point that he just sort of blanked out. His head had cleared a bit to think and more so as he had been sitting on the roof. Today he was more sociable, least compared to the last few. There had been a lot of thoughts through his head about a lot of things. School, friends, life. One brief moment he had considered jumping from the roof head first. A thought brought on by the previous one that maybe he was bad luck. Sure, bad things happened to everyone, even him, but it seemed like those that got close had bad things happen. His parents and a girlfriend, dead, several friends, dead or scarred from accidents or fights, his sister missing, his one aunt before she went missing had sort of lost it... though with all that turned out true maybe not as crazy as they said. But his brain did two things that dismissed the thought as quick as it had come. Only one thing on that list could really be tied to him because she had been killed for being involved with him and to break his spirit, but all it really broke was his rage.
The second was that if he did, his uncle won. Everyday he was alive was one more thing to spite that man, which was one more thing to make him happy. Anything to make that man angry. But that had lead to what he had spent most of his time reflecting on. What his friends and family had been trying to tell him. That all this hate and rage wasn't healthy, that it was consuming him, things of that nature. He'd always blown those warnings off, said he had it under control, especially the last week. But his long train of thought, he had realized something that either they hadn't noticed, or had refrained from saying. That he was becoming just like the very man he despised because of it. He looked at his uncle, the actions he had taken, the way he was, and then looked at himself. He began to see the parallels between his personality and his life and his uncles. And when he looked far enough back, everything stemmed back from one point. One single thing, that had cause so much chaos and destruction. His uncles blind and unyielding hate of Runes father, his brother. And as he had thought of it, he realized that he now had been feeling the same thing in regards to his uncle. He knew what kind of damage could occur just because of some of the fanatics that followed his uncle but... was there more to it? Was there more damage it could do he didn't see? Would it warp him the way it had warped his uncle?
Which led him back to that point and what he had been told. One in particular. That the way he was going he wouldn't be able to live without his hate and rage. And as he reflected... they were right. He thought about it, what would he do, not what was expected but what would he do and feel? And he realized that the only thing that had sustained him over the years was all that hate and anger. Without it, what drive did he really have? The answer was none. He wanted to do good, sure, but it wasn't the same. He was alone, not counting friends which he kept only so close anyway, so that gave him nothing. He had never spent one single moment thinking about the part after dealing with his uncle. He thought only of that moment, and none other. He looked at the chain of a necklace around his neck and then at the sky. She and his sister were probably the two most important people to him to this point. The ones that had had the most influence. So he thought for a change what they'd think of all this.
They'd understand it all generally. Both had been extremely understanding people. But they would have given him a headache over just as much of it. For getting down on himself at times, for only looking at that one moment, for not letting anyone close and allowing himself really to just be alone. Neither of them would have wanted it. Those who knew him longest and best wouldn't have wanted it either but those two were the opinions he cared about at this point. He leaned back till he was laying on his back against the fat roof with his legs dangling over the sides. "I really am a hopeless idiot, aren't I?" he said. He wasn't sure who he was asking at that point, nor if who ever it was he was even trying to ask could even hear it, but he felt he had to. As much as he hated admitting such an idea, perhaps fate had guided him here for a reason, and not simply he made a choice to go someplace that he felt he'd be safe and was like home... except all this technology he could live without.
But today he finally got to a point that he just sort of blanked out. His head had cleared a bit to think and more so as he had been sitting on the roof. Today he was more sociable, least compared to the last few. There had been a lot of thoughts through his head about a lot of things. School, friends, life. One brief moment he had considered jumping from the roof head first. A thought brought on by the previous one that maybe he was bad luck. Sure, bad things happened to everyone, even him, but it seemed like those that got close had bad things happen. His parents and a girlfriend, dead, several friends, dead or scarred from accidents or fights, his sister missing, his one aunt before she went missing had sort of lost it... though with all that turned out true maybe not as crazy as they said. But his brain did two things that dismissed the thought as quick as it had come. Only one thing on that list could really be tied to him because she had been killed for being involved with him and to break his spirit, but all it really broke was his rage.
The second was that if he did, his uncle won. Everyday he was alive was one more thing to spite that man, which was one more thing to make him happy. Anything to make that man angry. But that had lead to what he had spent most of his time reflecting on. What his friends and family had been trying to tell him. That all this hate and rage wasn't healthy, that it was consuming him, things of that nature. He'd always blown those warnings off, said he had it under control, especially the last week. But his long train of thought, he had realized something that either they hadn't noticed, or had refrained from saying. That he was becoming just like the very man he despised because of it. He looked at his uncle, the actions he had taken, the way he was, and then looked at himself. He began to see the parallels between his personality and his life and his uncles. And when he looked far enough back, everything stemmed back from one point. One single thing, that had cause so much chaos and destruction. His uncles blind and unyielding hate of Runes father, his brother. And as he had thought of it, he realized that he now had been feeling the same thing in regards to his uncle. He knew what kind of damage could occur just because of some of the fanatics that followed his uncle but... was there more to it? Was there more damage it could do he didn't see? Would it warp him the way it had warped his uncle?
Which led him back to that point and what he had been told. One in particular. That the way he was going he wouldn't be able to live without his hate and rage. And as he reflected... they were right. He thought about it, what would he do, not what was expected but what would he do and feel? And he realized that the only thing that had sustained him over the years was all that hate and anger. Without it, what drive did he really have? The answer was none. He wanted to do good, sure, but it wasn't the same. He was alone, not counting friends which he kept only so close anyway, so that gave him nothing. He had never spent one single moment thinking about the part after dealing with his uncle. He thought only of that moment, and none other. He looked at the chain of a necklace around his neck and then at the sky. She and his sister were probably the two most important people to him to this point. The ones that had had the most influence. So he thought for a change what they'd think of all this.
They'd understand it all generally. Both had been extremely understanding people. But they would have given him a headache over just as much of it. For getting down on himself at times, for only looking at that one moment, for not letting anyone close and allowing himself really to just be alone. Neither of them would have wanted it. Those who knew him longest and best wouldn't have wanted it either but those two were the opinions he cared about at this point. He leaned back till he was laying on his back against the fat roof with his legs dangling over the sides. "I really am a hopeless idiot, aren't I?" he said. He wasn't sure who he was asking at that point, nor if who ever it was he was even trying to ask could even hear it, but he felt he had to. As much as he hated admitting such an idea, perhaps fate had guided him here for a reason, and not simply he made a choice to go someplace that he felt he'd be safe and was like home... except all this technology he could live without.
